i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
