when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
