No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
