You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
