Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
