fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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