I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Someone shit on the floor
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
