It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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