Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
