He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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