i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
