Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
