I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
