Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
