I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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