He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
