...so i touched it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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