Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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