Already got asked if we're dating
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
