i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
