you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
vagina is talking i cant
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
