soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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