They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
