i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
