just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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