I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
