halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
