I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So vagazzling was a success
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
