woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Couch. On fire.
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