I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
