I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
