I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
