Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
her vagine was all disorganized.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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