4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
