Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
