You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize