She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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