boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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