I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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