I accidentally had phone sex last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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