I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
