Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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