Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
