I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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