What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
