But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
