Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
