I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
