I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize