What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
