Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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