some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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