Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
