The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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