the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
