It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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