I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
