can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize