thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
