i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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