it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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