i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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