: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
