Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize