Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
