McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
