Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
