You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've blown a few things in my day
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
