your parents love me but you hate me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Panties = found
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